Have you ever just had a rotten day, and looked back on it and wondered what the #$%&*#$ was I thinking?
Friday was one of those days.
First of all, I love teaching. Pre-schoolers are a riot. A challenge, yes. Often. But a riot all the same. So, while teaching often tires me out, it doesn't necessarily stress me out.
But often times other stuff at work does. Stuff that I should just let roll right off of my shoulders. After 6 years (this is the 7th) years at the same place, you'd think that, at least, I'd never be caught off guard by anything that happens.
Here's a big honking *pffftt* to that.
Anyway, something happened that probably wouldn't seem like a big deal to anyone else, but it made me mad. Made me grumpy. Ruined my whole day and only because I let it. And because I was frustrated and in a bad mood, I snapped at someone else who avoided me the whole rest of the day. And I vented. To anyone who would listen. And BOY, do I regret THAT.
Because I wouldn't be surprised if it comes back to bite me in the nether regions.
I suppose I'll find out tomorrow, when I go to work.
I've always worn my heart on my sleeve. And I've always, always hated that about myself. Hated that I can cry at the drop of a hat. Hated that I'm a lousy liar. LOL! Hated that I let other people have so much control over how I feel. Hated that I care so much what other people think when in the long run, it doesn't really matter.
Recently I registered at a website that's dedicated to my graduating class in anticipation of our upcoming 20th reunion. While it's been fun and interesting to see what people have been up to, I've been suprised at some of the bad feelings it brings up as well. I didn't hate high school, and had a lot of good friends and good times, but you know there's always at least one person who didn't like you or was mean to you at some point. And 20 years later, I found that it still hurts.
And only, only because I let it.
You'd think being self aware would give me some means to remedy the situation, but if it does, I haven't figured it out just yet.
So tomorrow I go to work. Crossing my fingers that my friend isn't still mad that I was snippish and hoping madly my mouth won't have gotten me into trouble. Venting about work AT work is never a good idea.
That's hindsight for ya. Wishing madly that you could change the past while at the same time praying that you never repeat it. Wondering why you can't see as clearly during the moment as you can a day later, after you've run headlong into a tree.
Maybe one day I can get some emotional contacts. Until that happens, I just have to learn to keep my mouth shut. ;)