Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Wonders of Photoshop: AKA Plastic Surgery for the Poor and Uninclined


Ahhh Photoshop. How I love thee! What other wonder can magically make my love handles disappear and raise my bustline off of my knees with no need for anesthesia?

If you too have to make a family album and don't want your stomach rolls and old-lady boobs preserved for generations, the clone tool is your friend.

For the stomach rolls: select a lighter spot (preferably on the seemingly flatter part of the abdomen), alt-click and clone over the shadows of the love handles. Presto! A much flatter (albeit still slightly rotund) stomach.

For the 5-minute boob picker upper: use the selection tool (rectangular marquee works) to select those saggy, old lady mammaries. Copy and paste. Move copy of breasts to higher, perkier position. Using a spot on your new, flatter tummy, clone over the old boobs until they vanish into oblivion. Voila! No longer will your great, great grandchildren envision you as a female version of the Michelin Man! No longer is your poor bust support preserved for generations!

No need to thank me. Cash or check works just fine.

(I kid...I kid.)

Thursday, January 03, 2008

THIS made me laugh.

Disclaimer: NO, this isn't my way of announcing anything. This baby factory is closed for the duration.

But I AM wondering what it says about my sense of humor that this had me rolling on the floor.