Saturday, December 06, 2008

Black (eye) Friday and Chrismas Songs that Suck

I did the Black Friday thing again this's become kind of a tradition for my sister and me.

Lines were short, deals were decent, and all in all it was the easiest Black Friday spree we've ever had.

My dh got to Walmart at 4 , was about 75 in line and was able to get us a new tv with no problem whatsoever. In previous years, you would have had to have been in line at 2 am to be so close.

According to my friend, things were so easy for us because we didn't want a Ripstick.

I've never heard of these things, but it seems they are quite the hot Christmas item around here.

Friend took her 11 y.o. daughter with her to Walmart to get the hot deals. Daughter wanted a Ripstick, so she ran one way while mom ran the other to grab something else on the list.

Daughter gets to the Ripsticks and grabs one seconds before they are all gone. A minute after that, a grown ADULT WOMAN comes up to the 11 year old and TRIES TO TAKE HERS AWAY.

She even SCRATCHES the girl.

Now, if it had been one of my pacifistic children, they would have relinquished the toy and come crying to me. It seems that, in raising thoughtful, tender children, I have also created little doormats.

Not so with this child.

She kicks the mean old lady in the shin and takes off with the Ripstick.

She's TOTALLY coming with me next Black Friday...I'll block and she can tackle.


Back in my retail days, I developed a deep aversion to certain canned Christmas music that seems to play ad nauseum wherever Christmas goods are sold.

This is slightly ironic, since I spend 11 months out of the year practicing singing Christmas songs to perform 8 or 9 times during the month of December. sister and I were discussing the worst Christmas songs ever. The ones that make you want to hurt someone wearing red. The cloying ones that try to make you feel horrible for being happy when so many other people are suffering.

So here are my top five WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS ever:

5. "Wonderful Christmas Time." This one gets a spot on my list for having an annoying repeating chorus that can permeate your consciousness no matter how you are occupied at the moment. When I was working retail, I could be ringing someone up and all of a sudden notice "Simply..haaaving...a wonderfulchristmastime. Simply...haaaving a wonderfulchristmastime." and be so distracted I probably gave them way too much change. I guess then they WERE having a "wonderfulchristmastime."

4. "Last Christmas." Another annoyingly repetitive Christmas song. It sings the same chorus OVER and OVER and OVER. We get it. You gave away your heart. You regret it. Get OVER it already.

3. "2000 Miles." Yes. It's very far. You say so every other line. "2000 Miles. It's very far." Score a point for Captain Obvious. The song also asserts that if you hear singing then it must be Christmas time. Take it from me. There are people singing Christmas songs all freaking year long. Believe it. Sunday nights at 8.

2. "Don't They Know it's Christmas Time?" Not that helping others and being aware of others in the world is a bad thing, but this song wants us to feel bad because "there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time." Well, duh. It's AFRICA. They never have snow. They don't even miss it. If it suddenly started snowing in Africa, I'm fairly sure there would be riots and mass hysteria, which I'm fairly certain won't make the natives feel any more Christmas-y. There are plenty of reasons to "feed the world," but lack of snow on the savannah isn't one of them.

1. "Christmas Shoes." This is the king of guilt inducing Christmas music. Some pup-eyed moppet goes to the store and begs the store owner to sell him some shoes for mom before she croaks and then admits he can't even pay for them.

First of all, where is mom walking to in her dire condition? Apparently the pup-eyed moppet isn't even sure he can complete his purchase in time. Maybe he should actually be WITH his mom instead of buying her shoes she'll never use. But no. If mama is going to meet Jesus tonight, she had better be wearing brand new shoes. The entire point of this song is to make the listener feel horrible for the poor poverty stricken lad who has so little while you, the listener are out buying shoes wily nily without a care in the world. No Joy to the World for you. Hang your head in shame you lucky, capitalistic scum.


At any rate, I like my Christmas music fairly non-repetitive and non-guilt inducing. I have plenty of guilt left over from my overenthusiastic Black Friday shopping spree.

In which I did NOT steal a Ripstick from anyone.



The Little Fishers said...

Okay, so I have no idea what a Ripstick is (you can be sure I will be Googling it after this comment). Anway ... I agree with your worst Christmas Songs list. Thanks for the laugh!

Lynette said...

Well as your song says as I was reading about repeative lyrics,
"steady as she te da.....steady as she goes"

FAB SIX said...

Mer you are soooo funny. I agree I have some songs that I don't like either that seem to be played over and over throughout the holiday.

Love Ya

Blissful Babe said...

I, too, agree with your worst Christmas songs list. Tis the Season to be JOLLY. Not moody and blue! Cheese n rice people!

And anything by Aaron Neville, I can do without. His voice makes me NUTS.


Too funny about the Ripstick!

I, stay AWAY from Black Friday. I hate crowds. Especially the type that would take a frigging toy away from a child. For the love of all that is HOLY!

Stampin' Meg said...

OMG Mer- this is one of your funniest diatribes errr I mean posts ever.
Snow in Africa Bwa ha ha ! (Although I think I have seen pix of snow atop Mt Killaminjaro's top!)

Stampin' Meg said...

PS_ I hate "blue Christmas" it just makes me want to go postal and that weird croony doo wop bizness in it :::::::CRINGE::::::

Lynette said...


Charity and Chris said...

Chris and I got the biggest kick out of your Christmas song list! We completely agree with you, especially on the Christmas Shoes. Chris and I have a rule about the easy listening music genre/Country music genre that works well for Christmas songs and all year round. If there is a children's choir to help you with the chorus, turn it off as soon as possible! It stinks, it is guilt ridden and will be stuck in your head for days.

AndreaLeigh said...

Hahah! I love the Christmas Shoes song. It makes me cry. :)

Definately take your friends daugther stopping. She is a warrior!

Fink said...

Well I have to say good for the little girl!!!!! I am proud of her to stand up for herself especially when an adult is being an A&&! Sorry I have not been by in a while! Missed you!

some kind of wonderful said...

oh my god! i about peed my pants reading your blog! you have a way with words girl! always very entertaining! glad you were able to score some good deals!

Andrea Amu said...

HA, HA! I must agree with Blissful Babe on her comment about Aaron Neville! He totally grates on my nerves! And of course I got quite a kick out of your worst Christmas Song list, but now "Simply havin' a wonderful Christmas time" is rotating in my brain! Thanks so much, Mer! ;)

Trooper Thorn said...

I hate John Lennon's "And so this is Christmas". Way too judgey and no fun at all.

Stacy said...

You have the very best sense of humor!! you crack me up!!

Shellieh said...

oh you are such a hoot!!! I think we should spend next black friday together!!! uh, how would that work though-- one of us would have to travel after thanksgiving dinner, so we could be there early for the shopping. hmmmmmmm.

Jim said...

You have apparently never heard "Please Daddy(don't get drunk this Christmas)" on a John Denver album.

joybear said...

Oh my gosh...glad that girl kicked her!! Can't believe how rude people can be.
Enjoyed the song list...I sooooo needed the giggle!

DAN said...

the africa stuff was classic...well played. Yes I do read your blog. Don't look so surprised.

Elizabeth said...

OMW! I would of loved to see your friend's DD kick that woman! People are so interesting this time of year, what a hoot!!

roamingjones said...

Hey guys! I found your blog through Christy's. Your kids are beautiful! I'll check back often.

Suzanne said...

all i can say, is that you absolutely crack me up woman!!! Happy Holidays to you and your family!

Our Life In Sunny SoCal said...

Meredith you are a classic! Just last week I hit the radio off button when those songs came on! Thanks for putting into words the feelings we've all been having in the privacy of our own homes. Now that it's out there we can all laugh at the silliness of this so called music.