The Sunday Funnies

I am stuffed up. My head hurts. My eyeballs feel like they're being squooshed in a vice. All I want is chicken soup and my mommy.

Sometimes it's hard to get sympathy for a cold when you're a mom. Moms don't have time to get sick. Moms take CARE of sick people. Moms tough it out.

It's times like this when I'd like to be a man.

Watch below and enjoy!

The Floating Ice Cream Store at Lake Powell

At my pre-school, there's this little guy named Jonas. Jonas is the younger brother of a child I had several years ago who used to crack me up. He'd sit in a chair during playtime, staring at nothing...and when I'd ask what he was doing he'd say, "I'm on a plane watching a movie."

Well, Jonas (whose name I can't even think without going..."My name is Jonas! bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum--you Guitar Hero addicts know what I'm talking about....) seems to have inherited his brother's imagination. And then some.

And he's also my special buddy at school. He'll spend the entire playground time telling me his stories.

One day he regaled me with a unusually detailed description of his future business venture. I think it would make an awesome children's book!

Here it goes:

"Do you know what I'm going to do when I grow up?"

"No. What ARE you going to do when you grow up?"

"I'm going to have an ice cream stand. At Lake Powell."

Me: "Ahhh. What kind of ice cream are you going to sell? Chocolate? Vanilla?"

"It's going to be hard ice cream. On a stick. It's going to be cherry and shaped like a heart."

"That sounds nice!"

"And it's going to have a DINOSAUR PLANETARIUM!"

Me: "Wow! I've heard of space planetariums but never dinosaur planetariums."

"You know what a planetarium is? They have toys that they sell. And I'm going to have one with my ice cream stand."

"I see."

"And you know what my ice cream stand is going to be in a big tent. That floats. And you can drive the houseboat and I will drive all the other little boats."

Me: "Well, thanks!"

"AND...it will have a WATER PARK!"

"That is SOME fancy ice cream stand you're going to have."

"YEAH! And some of the slides will go like this!" (He proceeds to trace different slides in the playground gravel, with me appropriately ooh-ing and ahhh-ing after each one.)

"And, it's going to have a BIG mountain that you can go down right in the middle." (Which he demonstrates by creating a huge pile of rocks.)

He goes on to tell me about the different slides and things for a while. Then a little girl in my class comes up to help with his growing Ice Cream Stand Mountain.

"Hey!" he tells her. "Do you know what? When I grow up, I'm going to have an Ice Cream Stand!"

And it starts all over again.

I think it would be a terrific children's book...with the pictures getting increasingly elaborate as the story does. I can see it all in my head.

And so, it seems, can Jonas.

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This is for Jill...I tried to keep the color in the leaves and rocks while lightening the shadows on Kadence's face. It's not perfect, but I think you can see her better. :)

The girl who cried wolf...and deleted her history.

*side note: Have you ever had a something happen...or a heard a funny story and thought, "Gee! I think I'll blog about that!" only to totally forget it five minutes later?

Happens to me ALL the time.

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Ok. I officially have a teenager.

An adorable, sweet, smart STINKY FIBBING TEENAGER.

And it all has to do with the computer.

First of all, when it comes to computer internet use, I am the Mother From Hell.

NO Myspace. NO Facebook. She has an account on Gaia, which she claims is highly moderated and safe for young 'uns. But I still don't like it.

And I have very specific, tough, mean, socially debilitating rules about computer use.

NO use without permission. Period. I don't care if you're just going to watch the Numa Numa song as danced by Napolean Dynamite. I don't care if you're showing your brothers Poke the Bunny. You do NOT get on the internet unless I say you can...and you certainly don't do it when I'm not home.

(Have I won Computer Nazi of the Year award yet?)

Well, darling daughter has decided that the rules don't apply to her. And she's being sneaky about it. Deleting the computer history. LYING to my face about whether or not she's been on.

And it breaks my heart.

One night after DH and I got home from a date, we saw her peek out of my bedroom window (where the computer is.) When we got into the house, she had run into the living room and was pretending to watch her brothers play Guitar Hero.

Me: Were you on the computer?

Her: No.

Me: We saw you.

Her: Well, I was for a little bit, but I just needed something for my homework.

So I go into my room and check the history. She's been busted before this way and it seems she's learned her lesson. She deleted it.

So, I go to her Gaia account, which she doesn't realize I know the password to. (OK, I admit it. I'm a paranoid parent when it comes to the internet. There are some scary people out there though, and I'm not going to let her get hurt if I can help it.)

And she had sent and answered messages during the time we had been gone.

So I call her into my room again and asked her if she had been on Gaia.

She looks me right into the face and says, "No."

So, I tell her, "I KNOW you've been on Gaia. And you deleted the history."

And she looks me right in the face without blinking and says, "Mom, I PROMISE I wasn't on Gaia."

Oh, man.

So I lay all my cards out on the table and show her how I know. And the whole time I'm looking at her and wondering who this stranger is who can sit there and lie to me so convincingly and completely.

Last night DH and I went out to run errands. When we got home, Ike comes up to me and says, "Breanna showed us this thing on the internet..." and goes onto explain about some harmless, silly thing she showed them. I'm annoyed that she was on the computer, but wasn't going to say anything about it, until he says, "And then she started deleting stuff."

Not only was she on the computer, but she KNEW she wasn't supposed to be, AND she covered her tracks IN FRONT of her brothers. This upsets me more than anything.

I call her in again and say, "You were on the computer again."

Her: I only wanted to show them "Poke the Bunny."

Me: "You're not supposed to be on the computer without permission."

Her: "I know. I'm sorry."

Me: "You deleted the history."

Her: "No I didn't."

Me: "YES you did."

Her: "NO, I didn't.

Me: "YES YOU DID."

Her: "What makes you say that?"

Me: "I was told you did."

Silence. Her: "Fine."

What does a mom do? I know she's at the age where she needs more freedom, but she's also at the age where she doesn't fully appreciate the repercussions from her actions.

Thinking back on it, I don't think she was trying to hide "Poke the Bunny" but was probably on the computer before she called her brothers in to see it. I think she was probably trying to hide what she did before that. (I think this because when I asked her about the internet, she said, "I only went to "Poke the Bunny." Check the history." Which means that what she deleted was something else.

Hubby thinks I should change the password on the computer so she can't even get in. I don't know if that's overreacting or if it's my only option, now that she's decided not only to lie but to cover her tracks.

And....am I being unreasonable? Should I allow her more access? (Though, most peopel who deal with computer predators say never to have your child on the internet unattended. And, as I found out before I changed some settings, a simple google search for "animals" can bring up a WHOLE bunch of unpleasantness.)

It's like the boy who cried wolf. He lied so many times that no one believed him when he told the truth. She can lie straight to my face and I won't know. How can I trust her as she gets closer to the age where we allow her to date and drive?

If there's a manual that comes with this whole parenting thing, mine got lost in the mail.

Random Ramblings....

1. Fair food isn't what it used to be. We took the family to the State Fair last night. It was family night and just about half the cost. Unfortunately we more than spent what we saved when we decided to eat there. I remember the fair having unusual offerings that you can't get other times of the year. Now most of the food is chain food, with the exception of things like deep fried twinkies and deep fried pb&j's....which we didn't get. Still, Sadie loved the animals and I got to show off my mad scrapbook skills. We got home at 10. On a school night. Which, to my kids, was worth the price of admission.

Here's a few pics from the fair...including a big surprise for me!

2. Things are starting to move for the CX DT. Paper work is being filled out, details are being explained and we're getting to know each other. It's exciting to get started!

3. I'm watching this crazy game show called "Hole in the Wall." Basically, there's a big foam wall with holes cut in it in varies shapes, including people shapes. The wall moves towards you and you have to fit your body through the shape without breaking the wall or being pushed into a pool of water. My kids think it looks like fun. I think that unless they have a big 'ol BALL sized hole, I wouldn't have a prayer.

4. While I was flipping channels during the commercial, I happened on an awards show where Dennis Leary was wearing a J-Lo, cleavage-to-the-belly-button gold lame dress. That's one image I won't be able to scrub from my mind.....

5. Funny little retail story:

At the LSS I work at, we literally have thousands of sheets of paper. Thousands. Each individually hand priced. I often feel like I'm doing well just to know generally where each manufacturer is (and there's still some that are "lost" to me...) and what papers we have in stock. We often have customers that come in and ask if we have a specific piece of paper...and if they know the manufacturer, I can usually find it if we have it. If they want a specific type of paper, I can usually offer some suggestions.

But yesterday, I got stumped.

A lady walked in and says, "I'm looking for a specific piece of "plain" paper and I know you have it."

Oh oh. Usually when someone says that, it precedes us NOT having it for one reason or another. Just because a manufacturer website lists that we carry their products, we don't necessarily carry ALL their products, and just because they STILL list it on the website doesn't mean we still have it.

So she says, "It's 8 1/2 by 11 and it's plain paper."

I have NO clue what she's asking for. A plain white sheet of paper?

She says, "It's LD-23 something."

Of the thousands of papers in the store, she wants me to find one particular piece from an item number...a PARTIAL item number. Our LSS is very low-tech. We don't have a computerized inventory system.

"I know you have it," she says. "It said so on the website."

"Do you remember the company's name? "

"No, but the paper is LD 2...something."

Needless to say, I couldn't find it. Not even sure we had it. Not even sure how she thought I could help her. But I tried anyway.

6. I got tagged by Elizabeth, one of the gals on the CX DT. I'm supposed to list 6 quirky things about myself. It's kind of funny, because I found this out after I had to use 3 words to describe myself for my CX DT bio, and quirky was one of them!

* I have feet issues. I can't stand tight shoes, or anything that makes my feet feel squished. I also don't like Reed's feet touching my feet when we snuggle. It weirds me out.

* I talk to myself. In the car, when I'm figuring something out at work, when I'm alone in the house. Don't know why, maybe it helps me think?

*I harmonize to everything. I once saw a you-tube video about the most annoying people in a car pool...and there was the "Harmonizer..." the person who sings harmony to the songs on the radio. It showed some guy in the backseat singing falsetto harmony while everyone else in the car winced in agony. Yep, I'm that guy.

*I'm a Sci-fi geek. I think that's self-explanatory.

* I have an odd sense of humor. Usually people end up laughing AT me instead of wit

* If I'm around someone with a strong accent, I have to CONCENTRATE not to start sounding like them. Sometimes if I'm not careful, it starts to slip in a little and then the person probably thinks I'm making fun of them.

All right...I'm IT, and you're tagged!

Kerri

Shellie

Suzanne

Jill

Meg

Kristy

Growing Up

This week is a week of growth.

Isaac turned 10. Double digits! It doesn't seem that long ago that he was in preschool with me.

For his birthday, his dad gave him the choice of a new fuzzy pet (he got a sweet mouse last year that died after a month, leaving him heart broken) or Rock Band for the PS2.

We were at Toys R Us when Reed called him, and the poor guy couldn't decide, so I told Reed to let him sleep on it. The next morning Isaac still didn't know what to choose.

The next day, Reed and I surprised Isaac at school by bringing donuts for his class and a birthday balloon.

School was almost out, so we got the boys out early. I told Ike we were thinking about gerbils and his face just lit up. "Yeah! I'd like the gerbils!."

"Instead of Rock Band?"

"Maybe I can get that later."

So we headed off to Petsmart. The thing that frustrates me about Petsmart is that I don't think the people really know what they're talking about. I did some online research about gerbils, and one of the things the American Gerbil Society says is to NOT get them a wire cage. They will spend all their time chewing on the bars and rubbing their little noses raw.

So we're looking at the gerbils (they only had two, and you need to buy them in pairs) and the girl says, "we've got some great cages over here!" and points right at the wire cages. At that point, I know she doesn't really know much about gerbils, and she confirms that when she pulls one out to show us and she's holding it in her hand by the tail. You never hold a gerbil by the tail because breaks easily.

Undaunted, we start looking around the store for supplies and find a nice 10 gallon aquarium, but they're out of wire lids...a necessity. So another employee calls around and tells us that we've got one on hold at a different store. After she leaves, I ask Reed which store. "The Bountiful one, I think," he tells me. He asks the girl if it was Bountiful and she says yes...so off we go.

When we get up there, everyone's hungry, so Isaac chooses Pei Wei for his birthday lunch. I get a fortune that tells me my judgement is flawed, and Reed gets one telling him that his finances are in trouble. Suddenly we're wishing Isaac had wanted McDonalds and a Transformer for his birthday.

Anyway, we get to the Bountiful Petsmart, and can't find the wire lids anywhere. Reed asks an employee about the one "on hold" and...wouldn't you know it but no one at that store remembers talking to anyone about an aquarium and wire lid.

Grrrr. I realize that the girl probably called the Fort Union Store, which happens to be 40 minutes in the opposite direction.

However, the manager probably sees my eyes going red and offers us the Critter Cage (which is basically the exact same set up, but at almost double the price) for the same cost as the aquarium and lid would be. Score!

So we went over to the small pet cages...and can't find any gerbils.

The girl says, "Oh, we don't have any to sell right now."

You have got to be kidding me.

"But...we have some adoption ones in the back."

Psheeew.

"Well.....can we see them?"

"I'll have to get them down," she says. Get them "down?" Where are they storing these poor gerbils, anyway?

Apparently, if someone mis-sexes a gerbil and they end up in the wrong cage, babies ensue. Who knew? And since the babies aren't part of the store inventory, they don't sell them, they give them away. Which saves us $20 dollars. Take THAT, fortune cookie!

I'm a little concerned because the babies must not have had a lot of human contact, but they're young enough (5 weeks) that I think it won't be a problem.

So, we left with two black and white baby gerbils named Whiskers and Benji. Benji, amusingly enough, is named after Benji Schwimmer from the first season of So You Think You Can Dance because my son thinks the gerbil is hyper, just like him.

We get home and get the gerbils set up in their new abode, and then head to Grandma Nancy's for dinner and (cheese)cake. My mom always does fun party decorations when we have birthdays at her house. Prior to Isaac's birthday, she called and asked me if he liked any superheros. The only ones I could think of were Transformers, but apparently Transformer Birthday supplies are impossible to find. So she settled on animals, which fits my cute boy to a T.

Reed tells Breanna that if she wants to pay for half of Rock Band, we'll go get it anyway. (It was on sale for $50 off at Toys R Us.) My dear husband is a Rock Band fanatic, as is Bree, so the deal is struck and we run out to pick it up before they close. But first we sing "Happy Birthday" to my sweet boy, who picked cheesecake for his birthday cake, and Caramel Stampede for his ice cream because he thinks it's cool that it has little caramel-filled chocolate cows in it.

Happy Birthday Isaac! We love you!

In other news, Sadie started Kindergarten today. I held it together, but just barely. My little bug was so excited to get there, that when we were waiting in line to have her get unloaded from the car, she kept saying, "Why aren't the cars MOVING????"

Here's some picks of my bug on her first day of school.

Yep. There's been a lot of growing up at my house this week.