Black (eye) Friday and Chrismas Songs that Suck

I did the Black Friday thing again this year...it's become kind of a tradition for my sister and me.

Lines were short, deals were decent, and all in all it was the easiest Black Friday spree we've ever had.

My dh got to Walmart at 4 , was about 75 in line and was able to get us a new tv with no problem whatsoever. In previous years, you would have had to have been in line at 2 am to be so close.

According to my friend, things were so easy for us because we didn't want a Ripstick.

I've never heard of these things, but it seems they are quite the hot Christmas item around here.

Friend took her 11 y.o. daughter with her to Walmart to get the hot deals. Daughter wanted a Ripstick, so she ran one way while mom ran the other to grab something else on the list.

Daughter gets to the Ripsticks and grabs one seconds before they are all gone. A minute after that, a grown ADULT WOMAN comes up to the 11 year old and TRIES TO TAKE HERS AWAY.

She even SCRATCHES the girl.

Now, if it had been one of my pacifistic children, they would have relinquished the toy and come crying to me. It seems that, in raising thoughtful, tender children, I have also created little doormats.

Not so with this child.

She kicks the mean old lady in the shin and takes off with the Ripstick.

She's TOTALLY coming with me next Black Friday...I'll block and she can tackle.

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Back in my retail days, I developed a deep aversion to certain canned Christmas music that seems to play ad nauseum wherever Christmas goods are sold.

This is slightly ironic, since I spend 11 months out of the year practicing singing Christmas songs to perform 8 or 9 times during the month of December.

Anyway...my sister and I were discussing the worst Christmas songs ever. The ones that make you want to hurt someone wearing red. The cloying ones that try to make you feel horrible for being happy when so many other people are suffering.

So here are my top five WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS ever:

5. "Wonderful Christmas Time." This one gets a spot on my list for having an annoying repeating chorus that can permeate your consciousness no matter how you are occupied at the moment. When I was working retail, I could be ringing someone up and all of a sudden notice "Simply..haaaving...a wonderfulchristmastime. Simply...haaaving a wonderfulchristmastime." and be so distracted I probably gave them way too much change. I guess then they WERE having a "wonderfulchristmastime."

4. "Last Christmas." Another annoyingly repetitive Christmas song. It sings the same chorus OVER and OVER and OVER. We get it. You gave away your heart. You regret it. Get OVER it already.

3. "2000 Miles." Yes. It's very far. You say so every other line. "2000 Miles. It's very far." Score a point for Captain Obvious. The song also asserts that if you hear singing then it must be Christmas time. Take it from me. There are people singing Christmas songs all freaking year long. Believe it. Sunday nights at 8.

2. "Don't They Know it's Christmas Time?" Not that helping others and being aware of others in the world is a bad thing, but this song wants us to feel bad because "there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time." Well, duh. It's AFRICA. They never have snow. They don't even miss it. If it suddenly started snowing in Africa, I'm fairly sure there would be riots and mass hysteria, which I'm fairly certain won't make the natives feel any more Christmas-y. There are plenty of reasons to "feed the world," but lack of snow on the savannah isn't one of them.

1. "Christmas Shoes." This is the king of guilt inducing Christmas music. Some pup-eyed moppet goes to the store and begs the store owner to sell him some shoes for mom before she croaks and then admits he can't even pay for them.

First of all, where is mom walking to in her dire condition? Apparently the pup-eyed moppet isn't even sure he can complete his purchase in time. Maybe he should actually be WITH his mom instead of buying her shoes she'll never use. But no. If mama is going to meet Jesus tonight, she had better be wearing brand new shoes. The entire point of this song is to make the listener feel horrible for the poor poverty stricken lad who has so little while you, the listener are out buying shoes wily nily without a care in the world. No Joy to the World for you. Hang your head in shame you lucky, capitalistic scum.

Ahem.

At any rate, I like my Christmas music fairly non-repetitive and non-guilt inducing. I have plenty of guilt left over from my overenthusiastic Black Friday shopping spree.

In which I did NOT steal a Ripstick from anyone.

Thankyouverymuch.